Every year on 15 October, in homes across the world, candles flicker in darkened windows. They burn for babies who never took a breath, or whose time was heartbreakingly brief. This is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a quiet acknowledgement of a grief too often hidden.

At 19:00 local time, families light candles in a global Wave of Light, creating a chain of remembrance that stretches across time zones, continent to continent, uniting bereaved parents in shared sorrow and hope.

A grief unlike any other

Pregnancy and infant loss is a grief unlike any other. It is the loss of dreams, hopes and futures that parents imagined for a child they will never hold, or held too briefly.

Parents may experience guilt, emptiness or anger. Siblings may struggle to understand why a baby is gone. Extended family members often feel pressure to “move on” before they are ready. In workplaces, colleagues may notice changes – fatigue, withdrawal or difficulty concentrating – yet not always know how to respond.

Finding a path through grief

Healing after pregnancy or infant loss takes time and support. Families often find strength in:

• allowing emotions without shame
• journaling or writing letters to the baby
• creating rituals such as lighting candles or planting trees
• seeking professional counselling or joining support groups
• leaning on trusted friends, faith communities or wellness services

Pregnancy and infant loss is different from other grief because it often lacks tangible memories. Healing in families means remembering with love, talking openly and supporting each other’s unique grieving styles. It is about finding hope and connection even in unanswered questions.

Support services are available through the FAMSA Upington Group on 053 723 1564 or on WhatsApp 082 727 8810, and via email at hope@famsaupt.co.za. The SADAG Helpline (0800 12 13 14) also remains a critical resource.

– Marthie Trollip, senior social worker, Famsa Upington – Kathu office.

Common experience that has been complicated

Pregnancy and infant loss is a common experience that has historically been complicated by broadly applied social and cultural taboos to stay silent, a condition that the World Health Organization advocates reversing in favor of open expression.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day serves to promote greater awareness and support for the estimated 1 in 4 individuals and families whose lives are irrevocably altered by the death of their children during pregnancy, at birth, and in infancy.

Experiences of loss vary for each individual and family unit; common effects include depression, anxiety, changes in relationships, development of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These effects are often underestimated, misunderstood, or overlooked by health care professionals, friends, and family members, especially when concerning pregnancy loss related bereavement and subsequent grief.

Advocates believe that a formalised day of observation increases public awareness and promotes greater research and understanding to aide in the creation and establishment of programmes, resources and services to support and provide assistance to survivors of baby loss and their families, enabling them to overcome their trauma and integrate their bereavement into their life in a healthy manner.

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