“The days when people associated mental illness only with older people are gone.” So says Yolanda Mhlakela, a counsellor with a background in education.
TygerBurger spoke to her after a recent suicide of a nine-year-old child from Delft.
“I can safely say that we are seeing more children committing suicide at younger ages in recent years. In the past mental illness was something associated with an older generation, but these days children commonly suffer from anxiety and depression.
Many reasons
“There are many reasons for this. I would think though in my experience being a parent, my experience in the teaching field and that of a counsellor, that children have a lot of pressure not just at school but within the society at large. The busy life of parents sometimes causes their emotional unavailability, as a result of this it is common for a child to feel neglected and feel as though he/she is alone. Feeling alone is accompanied by feelings of guilt whereas children may start to feel that they are not loved, and they may feel that they are not worthy to the extent that they would wish that they were rather not born. It is sometimes exactly these feelings that make it easier for suicidal thoughts to creep in,” says Mhlakela.
Peer pressure is not a new concept and will always be aligned with feelings of increased stress, anxiety and depression
Peer pressure is another thing that makes children feel unloved. “Peer pressure is not a new concept and will always be aligned with feelings of increased stress, anxiety and depression. Hence it is important for parents from a young age to instill values within their children, to encourage positive self-affirmations that will protect them from the severity and impact of social pressure in them making decisions. There are things that we cannot do away with, however reaction to circumstances is something that we do have control over. I strongly believe that children need to be taught that,” ads Mhlakela.
Caregivers and parents
Caregivers and parents have a big role to play, to assist young people.
“I don’t think a parent can prevent suicide, however, I do believe that a parent can and must be emotionally present and supportive in their children’s lives. If parents take time to bond with their children, to look through their schoolbooks, consult with teachers to ask on the progress and behaviour of their children it will be easier to spot sudden changes.
“It is about parents being alert and acting promptly when there are behaviours that indicate a possibility of anxiety and or depression. It is important for parents to seek help when they do see such, as much as it is important to have talks with our children, because not all parents have the same level of emotional intelligence, it may be a wiser decision to seek professional assistance.
“It is especially difficult in a position whereby the child feels as though much of his/her depression stems from domestic situations. They may not be likely to be open about everything, or else the parents may justify certain things, of which this could make the situation even worse.
My fear is that sometimes we may think we are helping, instead we cause more damage
“I am a strong believer of the ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ notion. If adults can be supporting structures and can be protectors to all children, I think that is a starting point. For example, many children struggle to accept their realities, for example of not having a father in their life.
“As a result, they may become aggressive, others join gangs and others simply fall into depression. If we live in a society in which we not only care for our own and we are able to show genuine care and love for all children, it will also make a huge difference. It would not take away from the reality of an absent father, however, the child would still be exposed to father figures in his/her life.”
Professional help
Mhlakela says when you suspect a child is suicidal it is important to refer him or her immediately to a professional person.
“Immediately refer the child for professional help (via the school, local NGO’s, or the hospital structures). My fear is that sometimes we may think we are helping, instead we cause more damage. Certain matters of life come with experience and if one is not experienced and emotionally mature it may cause more damage than help.
“We need to have a preventative strategy, and government does not seem to focus too much on mental health. It is spoken about, but the interventions and commitment to fight this I not as big as what comes out of the mouth. Things like parenting classes and support, things like a community support group for children suffering from mental illness, things like having more recreational activities available for children to engage in,” she says.
