The thought of one’s child taking his or her own life is horrifying to any parent.
However, during a child’s teen years it is crucial to talk openly about suicide and shine the light on a potentially life saving conversation.
Mark de la Rey, a clinical psychologist at Netcare Akeso in Kenilworth, says in a world of extreme academic pressure, online bullying and other social challenges, teenagers will be better equipped at navigating this difficult subject if they had the opportunity to talk it through at home.
“Parents may be apprehensive about how best to approach this topic,” De la Rey said. “Naturally this needs to be done at an age-appropriate level, but it is important to remember that children have access to and are exposed to information and misinformation about difficult subjects such as suicide. We cannot shelter them from that and treating it as taboo would be dangerous.
Are there signs?
De la Rey also points out that suicidal thoughts sprout from some level of depression or mood disorder, and suicide – whether attempted or successful – indicates a sense of hopelessness.
Stressful situations
He notes there are certain instances where teenagers can become caught up and are not able to take a step back and regain perspective without some help.
“This includes common scenarios, some of which are near impossible to avoid, such as exam pressures and relationship issues,” according to De la Rey. Others may be less apparent, such as online bullying or blackmail over compromising photographs they may have shared.
Significant changes
Any significant change in behaviour can be a warning sign. If you have a child who is usually very active and social, but becomes withdrawn, or a child who has always been a home body but now seems to be looking for reasons to stay away, keep a watchful eye.
Speaking with finality
“Sometimes people having suicidal thoughts will do and say things that can indicate plans to end their life,” De la Rey said. “This may come out in careless language, for example, saying ‘you won’t have to deal with me much longer’ or ‘maybe we’ll meet again one day’.”
Such statements are sometimes made on social media, which is a cry for help that must be taken seriously, De la Rey said.
Let them know you are there
“No matter what phase you are in with your teen let your presence in their life be known. If they push you away do not be put off. They need to know that you are around and that you are there for them.”
Watch your reactions
“Your child needs to know they can come to you with a problem,” De la Rey pointed out, “no matter how terrible it may appear to them at the time. This means being measured in your responses, which is not always easy when dealing with the emotionally charged and sometimes chaotic world of teenagers.
“Ultimately you want your child to feel that they can talk to you when they are facing a seemingly insurmountable problem and for them to know that help is always available.”
If you know or suspect that your child is having suicidal thoughts, seek professional help.
