There was silk, there was satin, and there was no shortage of glam.

But what filled Levè Coffee Shop in Brackenfell on a recent occasion to mark Women’s Month was a deep sense of collective pride that emerges each year, when South Africa turns its attention to the women who hold communities together.

Organiser Yvette Vatblé says the aim of the event was to give women a chance to dress to the nines and celebrate womanhood.

“I have so many friends that never have the opportunity to dress up, put on make-up and hang out. As busy women we seldom get this chance. Single women don’t want to go to clubs or bars and married women seek time away from home sometimes,” she says.

The theme of the evening was, “Be you and love yourself.”

“In a busy life women have the need to feel feminine and know they are worthy no matter what,” she says. “It does not matter whether you are married or single, career women or housewives, or what age you are. At the end of the day we all want to feel worthy.”

Conversations with the women at the event revealed one challenge above all, the weight of society’s expectation that women be perfect.

“You have to be the perfect mom, perfect wife, best career woman, and often with little support, and ashamed to reach out for help,” says Ilze Meyer, now in her forties.

“But in actual fact, these things are all unattainable, and yet we feel guilty for not living up to them. And what is worse is that it will often be other women who judge you if you don’t fit the bill. As women we are so quick to judge each other in how we raise our children or live our lives.”

She says it is especially sad to see how women bully each other from a young age right into adulthood. “You are either not feminine enough or too feminine. It is so unnecessary because we are all made differently.”

No time to be you

Beyond the daily grind, women also face the heavier burdens of abuse and stereotyping. Audrey van Wyk* (19), was only 15 when she first experienced abuse.

“I was with him for a year. At first it was only verbal abuse but then he became jealous and I endured physical and sexual abuse,” she says, adding that she only realised the extent of the abuse afterwards.

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Today, she still finds it a gift to be a woman, but believes women need to champion one another far more. Her greatest challenge as a young woman in South Africa is finding work, particularly in “male-dominated” industries. “It is deeply disheartening how hard it is to find work,” she says.

Having raised her children, gone through a divorce and an abusive relationship, Lee-Anne Botha* is now in a phase of her life where she feels she can totally be herself again.

“In today’s society women have to multitask to no end, so much so that you forget who you are as a person,” she says.

Of her long-term toxic relationship plagued with infidelity she says, “I have been depleted, as a woman emotionally, mentally and even financially. I lost myself and for a very long time I felt that I was less than everyone else. It took me two years out of the situation to feel like myself again and to figure out that I was only living a role. Today, I know I am not a victim of my past, and my circumstances do not define me. I am just me.”

*Identities protected