“Which Xhosa men are loyal?”, “Xhosa men ayabheda” and “Xhosa men will show you flames”, these are just some of the remarks that still reverberate through my mind from a recent Big Breakfast Show on Radio R2000.
As I drove to work last week, I laughed my lungs out as some listeners berated Xhosa men for perceived dishonesty. I did not laugh because I agreed with them. I laughed at how they vented over very dangerous and false perceptions about Xhosa men. Labelling someone or a certain group of people due to a previous encounter or limited knowledge is rather reckless, quite frankly, misguided.
We cannot paint the entire nation as something because of one or two people. There is also another prominent Xhosa phrase among women: “amadoda zizinja”. I am yet to understand why this has been allowed to spread like wildfire and men seem to have no issue with this statement. Yes, many guys fit this description or even something worse than a dog. Any man who rapes a woman is, without a doubt, a dog. A man who commits gender-based violence (GBV) is also a dog and he does not deserve to live among people.
South Africa has a population of over 64million. Recent data by Statistics South Africa (StatsSA) indicates that men make up 49% of the population (approximately 31,1 million people). Out of this number there are many good men. The percentage for murderers and rapists probably stands at less than a percent.
I know of many men, Xhosas to be exact, who are opposed to any form of violence against women. Without blowing my own horn, I can safely say I am in that group. I hate any form of violence against women or females. I often tell my sons that they must respect women and rebuke any action or comment that borders on GBV. I want them to become better men when they grow up, hence I drill this into their minds. I also show a lot of respect to their mother and demand more from them.
I am now glaring at my grave and I can safely say I never raised a hand to any woman. I hate men who exploit women’s vulnerability. Women are there to be loved and cherished. As men, we are meant to support them and offer comfort. Yet, we are the first to harm them.
However, this does not mean all men go out there to harm women. Equally, someone cannot bash every Xhosa man because of their past. As a Xhosa man, I often take serious offense when someone accuses us of being the bad guys. In every situation, you have good and bad individuals. The bad ones are often the minority.
In this day of Artificial Intelligence (AI) when non-existing things can be turned into existence, we ought to be careful about what we do and say, not to polarise further an already fragile society. Not all Xhosa men are dogs and certainly not all Xhosa men ayabheda. There are many good Xhosa men out there, you just need to look at the right places.
