Mother’s fight to support son with schizophrenia sheds light on mental illness

• Erica Boshoff, a Constantia pharmacist, shares her journey of supporting her son who has schizophrenia.
• Despite the challenges, her son has found stability and support through his community and treatment.
• Erica emphasises the importance of family, social support, and consistency in managing mental health conditions like schizophrenia.

Often one’s thoughts and prayers are with those suffering from a mental illness or disability, and rightfully so. What is of equal importance, is the supportive family members that also crave equal support in their communities.

This was a tragic tribulation faced by Erica Boshoff, a 58-year-old pharmacist from Constantia, who seven years ago learned that her son (turning 30) is suffering from schizophrenia.

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Her son, who’s identity she wishes to protect, currently resides in a Pinelands-based home along with seven other residents who have learned to live with schizophrenia.

“I’m so proud of the way he is handling his illness. He’s an amazing young man. He has found himself a church community that embraced him. He has not had a psychotic episode in the past three years, and he is building a relationship with a girlfriend who truly gets him.”

About schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels and behaves, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

“People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality, which can be distressing for them and for their family and friends. The symptoms of schizophrenia can make it difficult to participate in usual, everyday activities, but effective treatments are available. Many people who receive treatment can engage in school or work, achieve independence and enjoy personal relationships,” the site continues.

Raw reality

For Erica, this condition is best understood as “when someone with a genetic predisposition to mental illness is exposed to emotional trauma, parts of the brain are affected causing an upset of certain neurotransmitters (brain chemicals), resulting in a type of ‘brain damage’ “.

She says psychotic episodes cycle in stable periods of those diagnosed with the illness.

As someone who has weathered psychotic episodes by her son’s side, she says: “It’s really scary and I feel helpless. But I have to be firm, strong and call the shots while my loved one is out of touch with the real world and could be a danger to himself. I just want to keep him as safe as possible and make sure he knows I’m there to help and love him.”

‘Desperate to be normal’

A common stigma people attach to schizophrenics, in Erica’s experience, is that they are perceived as “insane”.

“They’re just people yearning to be treated as normally as possible and to be included in normal day-to-day stuff.”

Erica’s advice to those faced with a family member suffering mentally during a psychotic episode, is: “Be there for them and make them feel as safe and loved as possible. They need to know they can trust you and ultimately want them to be well, no longer suffering.”

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She maintains that, no matter what happens, there’s still a precious, desperate person behind the struggle.

“They will say hurtful things and you may have to make decisions on their behalf to keep them safe, but know it’s the illness causing them to behave the way they are, not them as a person. I remind my son of those things he knows to be the truth even if he doesn’t believe me in that moment.”

Proper treatment

Through trial en error, Erica found that once her son was stable on a medication regimen, this should not be fiddled with.

“There’s no rush – treatment is for life and fiddling can lead to treatment resistance early on.

“I feel that too often a psychiatrist may only take into account what the patient is saying during a half-hour session. However, the opinion of a close loved one is critical to weigh up the truth behind what they are saying.”

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By now, she has learned that schizophrenics are very clever.

“They can be manipulative. The focus should be on psychotherapy to develop skills/tools in dealing with day-to-day life and recognising their triggers. The importance of teaching self-regulation when confronted with their triggers is critical.”

She found that sometimes psychiatrists don’t want to give a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

“I’m thankful to the psychiatrist who diagnosed my son… Yes, it was a huge shock being told ‘your son has paranoid schizophrenia’. But when the psychiatrist explained the illness to me, everything that had happened in the past leading up to the diagnosis made sense and I was relieved that ‘it’ had a name.”

Community, social support

This journey led Erica to the understanding support offered by Family Support for Schizophrenia, an online-based community in the southern suburbs.

There she met a circle of other mothers who share the same experiences.

“We have developed our own support circle of mothers whose children live with schizophrenia. We get together once a month, sharing a meal and relating to one anothers’ challenges.

“These times together give us the courage we need knowing that we’re not alone and give us practical tips on how to deal with different scenarios. Even on a one-on-one basis, sharing a coffee goes a long way to share what we’re dealing with.