Psychologists of the Metro East Education District (MEED) hosted a Boy Learner Indaba at Kuils River Technical High School on Saturday 12 September.

The initiative, from the Western Cape Education Department’s (WCED) Inclusive and Specialised Education Support (ISLES) directorate, is aimed at supporting boys in their development, to foster healthy, balanced and responsible young men who can contribute positively to their families, schools and communities.

Around 360 boys, from grade 6 to 9, from 90 schools, attended the event.

The emphasis was on the role of males in South African society: young men are future fathers, partners, leaders and members of their communities who need positive role models, guidance and opportunities to develop a strong sense of identity, purpose, responsibility and respect.

The initiative also aims to support boys in developing emotional awareness, resilience, healthy relationships, responsible decision-making and a positive sense of self, by creating safe spaces for them to explore what it means to be a young man.

The absence of role models

Hein Vorster, an educational psychologist at MEED, shared statistics showing that most societal problems are perpetrated by men. He said it is crucial that boys are taught from a young age to become the healthy, well-balanced men, husbands and fathers they are supposed to be.

Vorster noted that almost half of children grow up either without their biological fathers or without a positive relationship with them, and asked: who will teach the boys, who will demonstrate for them the model of what it means to be a real man?

He used the metaphor of a house: men are designed to be the roof, the protectors, and women the walls that hold the roof up, the supporters. When men do not do the protecting, women are left defenceless and must do the protecting themselves, leaving men feeling unimportant and obsolete. With women doing men’s work and fathers absent, boys gravitate towards wrong role models such as gang leaders, he said.

Vorster said the team of educational psychologists at MEED is addressing this problem, not only through presentations to create awareness among teachers, but by male psychologists intentionally setting an example of the characteristics required of men in a society where roles have become distorted.

Boys were invited to commit to becoming real men, good husbands and fathers. He added that boys need to be intentionally taught, not only about the values of real and good men, but also about girls. “These things cannot all be learnt in just one day, but somewhere and someday a start needs to be made. We sincerely believe that a Boy Learner Indaba like today is a good start,” he said.

Vorster engaged the boys in exploring common themes shared by all males, emphasising the importance of taking ownership of their futures by choosing worthy role models.

In a panel discussion, some psychologists shared their backgrounds to show learners that circumstances did not hold them back.

Be your best

Dr Gillian Arendse, of the National Research Foundation’s iThemba Labs, said in his keynote address, the boys’ role in shaping the future is crucial. “If you want development and growth, you need focus.”

Arendse said every person is born a genius, but life and peer pressure convince people otherwise. He urged the boys not to follow the crowd, but to commit to building themselves and discovering who they are. He compared people to icebergs, with only 10 percent visible, and said the hidden 90 percent shows through behaviour.

He challenged them to be victors rather than victims, who blame, accuse and complain. Citing Jim Rohn’s observation that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, he urged them to surround themselves with people who allow them to grow.

Your circumstances do not determine where you go, they only determine where you start.

Quoting Steve Jobs, he said you cannot connect the dots looking forward, only looking back, and encouraged them to trust the process, take stock of past decisions and learn from their mistakes. “You are the sum of your actions, not your intentions,” he told them.

Several boys responded to the request to share what they have learned. Two boys noted that they want to do and be better than their fathers.

“I have learned to differentiate choices and decisions. As someone who grew up most years without a father, I also learned to do better than him. Seeing the mistakes that he has made, I want to make sure I become the best father that my father never was.”

A primary school learner said he learned about making choices, and a few noted that the past does not have to define their future and that bad things can be overcome if you keep your eye on the goal.

“I learned we need to grow into respectful men who do not use violence,” said another. Others noted: “Whatever we do, we must know there are consequences for our actions” and “Be the best version of your true self.”

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