Mirriam “Mama” Toni, a mighty foster mother and an inspiration to many, is very well known for her warm care, teaching spirit and massive heart.
As Mother’s Day in May approaches, Paarl Post knocked on her door to understand what motherhood means in Mbekweni.
With a Cheshire-cat smile and embrace, Mama Toni was all too pleased to bestow her pearls of wisdom.
“A mother is not just the cook who puts steamy food on the table,” she pointed out. “It’s a woman who knows her own and gives a child a true sense of identity. Who you are, where you come from and where you might lead.”
A mother has warmth, she said, and calls herself “’n Hoender met klomp kuikentjies onder my vere.”
But to have a healthy start as a balanced mother it’s important first to love yourself.
“I look in the mirror every morning, and tell myself I am enough, I’m loved, respectful and I know who I am. Any woman brave enough to embrace motherhood must speak loud and proud in authority.”
Mama Toni knows women are capable of doing nearly anything as well as man can, but also believes that the finer arts in life is a woman’s specialty.
“I do welding myself when the gates need fixing,” she said. “I teach the kids to do mosaic, arts and crafts, sewing and baking. In South Africa there is still a need for these crafts and skills that have the potential for monetary trade values.”
Teaching a child skills that allow them to fix and create things, or express themselves, is what gives them a sound foundation to pave the way into a productive future.
“It’s noble being able to survive without a man. But a father is still the head of the household and pillar of guidance to children, especially young boys growing up.”
For Mama Toni, taking care of a man means adhering to and valuing their position in, and providing for, the family. “If you don’t, they may think it’s okay to be a father who is not present in the family’s life.”
Education is of paramount importance in her home. It’s a value that has made her highly influential in the surrounding neighbourhood. “Many children even join her after school before returning to their own homes. We have daily homework sessions in which my own daughter’s husband and I help them complete and understand their school work.”
Mbekweni is a busy passage between Wellington and Paarl, buzzing with life, both formal and informal homes and buildings that make the essence of any community. However, there are unique challenges Mbekweni mothers face.
“There are a lot of illegal activities reigning our streets, such as drugs and too many taverns or liquor establishments,” Mama Toni says. “Teens in the community reach a phase where they would rather lend their ears to the advice of strangers or friends in these dangerous outdoor spaces, above their mothers’. That is a great concern and we can only to pray for their safety at home.
“Children should indeed be protected. But the law also keeps giving more and more rights to children, while the parent’s right to instil good values become less and less. This puts them in a dangerous position of power over the parent who is supposed to be guardian, teacher and leader.”
Her girls are taught to respect themselves, their body and vulnerability. “I often talk about proper ways to dress and present oneself in public. Most important is to teach them from as young as possible that ‘yes’ means ‘yes’, and ‘no’ means ‘no’.
“Be happy with the necessities to get by comfortably. Don’t covet your neighbour’s possessions, keep family close and do not marry a partner for money or earthly things.”
