Sometimes the thing we are afraid of doing is the same thing we must do. On the other side of fear is our destiny; it’s where endless possibilities await. When we give in to fear, we give up on our future, our voice.
Recently I did a motivational talk at a school. A teenager came up to me afterwards and asked, “How do you manage to speak in front of people like that? I don’t think I’d ever be able to do it myself!”
I responded, “The more you do it, the easier it becomes.” It made me think of my voice and the journey I went through to find it. More important, it made me think of the voices I listen to and respond to.
I lost all of my hearing due to a fever I had as a baby. By the age of two, I wasn’t responding when my name was called. Hearing tests determined that I had 97% hearing loss. A defeating voice spoke to my parents, saying, “Vicki’s life is over.”
Another bold voice spoke: “Will you focus on how big your problem is? Or how big your God is?”
My parents focused on the latter. I received my first hearing aids, and my parents encouraged me to use my voice. My voice was given back to me, and I quickly learned how to speak like a hearing person.
Fast forward to high school, where jealous girls compared themselves to me. At that stage I wore no hearing aids, so lip-reading was my only means of communication. I excelled in it, but I could no longer hear my voice.
Was I speaking too loud? Or too soft? Did I mispronounce words? Was I making a fool of myself? The girls knew that and targeted me in that vulnerability.
My voice was now being silenced. A tormenting voice said, “Your voice doesn’t matter. Shut up; be quiet.”
I developed a fear of speaking in front of people. After a shooting accident at the age of 14, the voice of depression haunted me: “End your life; it’s not worth living anymore.”
Soon afterwards, I had an encounter with a soft, still Voice that spoke to me and said, “Your life has a purpose. But you have to come and find your identity in Me.”
I shrugged off the discouraging voices and chose to listen to the Voice that gave me my life back. First, I took drama classes so I could learn how to pronounce words, use my pauses, change the tone of my voice, etc. Then, I signed up to do evangelism at the local hospital every Wednesday, before school. I was getting my voice back by listening to the right voices.
By the time I finished high school, I was wearing hearing aids again. The 40% that I could hear helped me when it came to waitressing. That disheartening voice came back. When I served people, they would ask why I had an ‘accent.’ The voices asking me this specific question almost took my voice away again, but I chose not to let it silence me.
When I won Miss Deaf South Africa, I became a motivational speaker. Now my voice was daring, courageous, fearless, and unafraid. Every time that voice of, “You’re different; you’ll make a fool of yourself,” came up, I would shut it down by doing more motivational talks, radio and television interviews. On the other side of the voice of fear, is a voice of destiny and purpose. I found my purpose in sharing my story.
I call this column “Vicki’s Voice,” because I believe voices are significant. My voice is unique; no one sounds like me and no one ever will.
My voice has a certain frequency, a certain vibrancy that only I can bring forth. What’s your story; what does your voice sound like? Do you have something to say? What are you saying? Is it loud and clear? More important, what voices are you listening to?
- Book Vicki as a motivational speaker at your school, church, book club, business, etc., by sending her an email at vickifourie@yahoo.com.
