The Paul Roos Gymnasium (PRG) school community is rallying around its learners after the death of one of its learners, with counsellors urging parents to use September’s Suicide Prevention Month as a moment to check in, listen and ask direct questions about how their sons are really doing.

Nico Caine (15) died on the evening of Thursday 17 September.

The school shared the news with parents on Friday 18 September, with rector Jannie de Villiers writing it was “with immense sadness” that the community had learned of the Grade 9 learner’s death.

“Nico was a young man who brought a wonderful sense of curiosity and good humour to those around him,” De Villiers wrote.

“He had a deep love for nature and an insatiable curiosity about the world. He was always eager to explore, discover and understand the things around him. His warmth and good humour will be remembered fondly by all who had the privilege of knowing him.”

The school had not disclosed the circumstances surrounding Nico’s death and has appealed for privacy for his family. Any enquiries could be directed to the rector’s office.

News of the learner’s passing prompted an outpouring of sympathy from neighbouring schools across the Helderberg and Stellenbosch area. Parel Vallei High School in Somerset West posted on Facebook: “It is with great sadness that we received the news that Nico Caine, a Grade 9 Paul Rooser, has passed away. Our deepest condolences go to the entire PRG community, and especially Nico’s family and friends, during this difficult time.”

Condolences from other schools

Laerskool Eikestad, which shares deep historical ties with Paul Roos, the two schools once part of the same institution before Laerskool Eikestad was formed in 1977 from the amalgamation of Laerskool Paul Roos and Laerskool Bloemhof, also posted a message of condolences on Facebook: “As the Eikestad family we share in the sorrow of Nico Caine’s passing. We keep his parents, little sister, friends and classmates in our prayers.”

The school’s counselling office issued a detailed guideline document, “Supporting our Sons,” signed by counsellors Monique Barnes and Lelani Cloete on Friday. The three-page document notes grief “moves through a school in different ways, and for some boys it surfaces only weeks later in ways that are easy to miss.”

September, observed as Suicide Prevention Month, is a time the counselling team uses to strengthen support around their boys, “particularly [those whose] feelings may be closer to the surface than usual.”

Their guideline document offers practical guidance for parents on how to support their sons right now: check in gently and often, listen without needing to fix, protect ordinary routines such as sleep, meals and school activities, and limit exposure to distressing content, including the forwarding of graphic images, rumours or any message that presents suicide as brave or as a way out.

Crucially, the counsellors encourage parents to ask directly if they are worried. “‘Are you having thoughts of suicide?’ A calm, direct question does not plant the idea; it opens a door,” they wrote.

They also urge parents to keep the school informed if a son is struggling, has received a worrying message, or has a history of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, so it can support him both at home and school.

Being alert to suicidal thoughts

The document lists warning signs that require prompt attention.

These include talking about wanting to die, disappear or not wake up; expressing hopelessness, feeling trapped or feeling like a burden, self-harm, searching for methods or making a plan, farewell messages, unusual goodbyes or giving possessions away, marked withdrawal, agitation, impulsivity or aggression, sudden changes in mood, sleep, attendance or day-to-day coping, increased alcohol or substance use, and “a sudden, unexplained calm following severe distress”.

If parents are concerned about immediate safety the counsellors advise staying with the young person, contacting a mental-health professional or emergency service immediately, and remaining with him until responsibility is handed to another responsible adult.

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), which runs a dedicated Suicide Crisis Helpline, has encouraged South Africans to “Create Hope Through Action”, the international theme for this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day, commemorated globally on 10 September. Sadag urges anyone struggling or anyone concerned to reach out for help.

The PRG counselling team said the school community “holds your son in mind… as a young man who is still becoming…” and encouraged all parents of the school not to hesitate to contact the school for support.