{"id":97941,"date":"2023-07-19T14:12:04","date_gmt":"2023-07-19T12:12:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/?p=97941"},"modified":"2023-07-19T14:20:01","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T12:20:01","slug":"stop-die-instoppery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/stop-die-instoppery\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop die instoppery"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Deur Ilse Salzwedel<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Stop die instoppery<\/h4>\n<p>As jy gedink het jy doen jou kind \u2019n guns deur hom geld in die hand te stop, dink weer.<\/p>\n<p>Wyse woorde inderdaad, en nodiger as ooit. Want ons leef in \u2019n era waarin tieners en jongmense toenemend die teiken is. Maar ongelukkig ook dikwels die sondaars en skobbejakke. Dis \u2019n feit, hoe hartseer ook al, dat ons kinders onregeerbaar raak en minder respek het as ooit tevore: vir hulself, vir gesag, vir mekaar, vir ons as ouers, vir re\u00ebls en selfs vir die wet.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Baie ouers het die stryd verloor<\/h4>\n<p>Gedragsprobleme by kinders kan verskeie oorsake h\u00ea, maar Suid-Afrikaanse sielkundiges het deesdae \u2019n nuwe gonswoord waaraan baie van ons jeug se probleme toegeskryf word: die instopsindroom.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Phillip du Toit<\/strong>, \u2019n Kaapse gesinsberader, s\u00ea sy ervaring wys dat \u2019n gebrek aan dissipline en respek vir gesag toenemend onder kinders voorkom, veral in instop-gesinne.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBaie ouers het reeds die stryd verloor. Omdat daar al minder struktuur, roetine en wedersydse respek vir mekaar in die huis is, word daar maar met geld gekompenseer.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Sielkundiges en veiligheidskenners is bekommerd oor jeugmisdaad en die toename in gedragsprobleme onder kinders.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dr. Anneline Nieman,<\/strong> \u2019n Johannesburgse opvoedkundige sielkundige wat in haar doktorale tesis op jeugoortredings gefokus het, s\u00ea daar is \u2019n sterk korrelasie tussen jeugmisdaad en vroe\u00eb gedragsprobleme by kinders.<\/p>\n<p>Volgens haar is jeugmisdaad \u2019n wesenlike probleem in ons land. \u201cDaar was volgens die laaste amptelike syfer 62 477 jeugdiges in Suid-Afrikaanse tronke. Sowat 24 407 van hulle is nog verhoorafwagtend.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Die kommerwekkende feit wat ons nie langer kan miskyk nie, is dat jeugdiges toenemend by misdaad betrokke raak omdat hulle verveeld is, nie navolgenswaardige rolmodelle het nie of maats wil be\u00efndruk, veral as hul materi\u00eble besittings nie meer op die maats \u2019n indruk maak nie. Wat ons terugbring na ouers wat instop.<\/p>\n<p>Lees ook: <a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/bou-breek-kind-selfbeeld-ouer\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bou of breek jy jou kind se selfbeeld?\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>\u2018Maar ek kan dit bekostig!\u2019<\/h4>\n<p>Ja, maar jou kind kan nie. Geld, meen sielkundiges soos <strong>Phillip en Elize Olivier<\/strong> van Northcliff, is nie die hoofprobleem nie, wel die siening wat by kinders ontstaan dat dit enigiets kan regmaak, of enige krisis kan laat verdwyn.<\/p>\n<p>Voeg daarby die vryheid wat baie sakgeld, \u2019n eie motor en selfs \u2019n eie kredietkaart en selfoonrekening \u2019n kind gee, en dit verklaar dat ouers al minder beheer oor hul kinders se doen en late het.<\/p>\n<p>\u2019n Navraag by \u2019n dwelmrehabilitasie-kliniek in Pretoria wys dat die jeugafdeling propvol is &#8211; die jongste pasi\u00ebnt \u2019n skrale 12. Die verslawings? Van (goedkoop) dagga en (relatief goedkoop) ecstacy tot hero\u00efen (wat tot R300 per dag kan kos) en alkohol.<\/p>\n<p>\u2019n Traumadokter by \u2019n hospitaal naby \u2019n gegoede woonbuurt in Gauteng, wat om verstaanbare redes nie homself of sy hospitaal wil identifiseer nie, vertel dat sy eenheid elke naweek drie of vier tieners met dwelmoordosisse of alkoholvergiftiging opneem.<\/p>\n<p>Die media wemel van skokkende verhale van tieners waarby dwelms, drank, spoed, geweld of misdaad ter sprake is. Tieners val mekaar by skole aan, in nagklubs, op die sportveld. Al meer tieners gebruik dwelms of opkikkers. Drank is vrylik beskikbaar en word mildelik gebruik.<\/p>\n<p>Die gemene deler in baie gevalle? Onbetrokke ouers wat geld gee eerder as liefde en dissipline.<\/p>\n<p>Lees ook: <a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/boekuittreksel-vyf-ankers-wat-jou-kind-veilig-laat-voel\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Vyf ankers wat jou kind veilig laat voel op enige ouderdom<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Kruipende kindermishandeling<\/h4>\n<p>Die simptome van tienerjappie-sindroom is oral om ons: duur handelsmerkklere, uitspattige, peperduur matriekafskeiduitrustings, selfone, rekenaars, iPods en rekenaarspeletjies. Die duur motors of motorfietse wat sommige ho\u00ebrskoolleerders ry.<\/p>\n<p>Alle rykmanskinders is nie misdadigers nie, en almal word ook nie emosioneel afgeskeep nie. Maar di\u00e9 wat wel afgeskeep word en sakke vol geld het, se risiko om by misdaad en dwelms betrokke te raak, is baie groter. Phillip waarsku dat kinders wat nie genoeg liefde en dissipline by ouers kry nie, dikwels op \u2019n negatiewe manier probeer aandag trek.<\/p>\n<p>Dis wanneer kinders hulle tot nuwe \u201cuitdagings\u201d soos dwelms, spoed, geweld en kleiner misdade wend. Voeg daarby nog \u2019n stewige dosis tienerhormone, \u2019n vet beursie en rebelsheid, en jy het \u2019n ramp wat wag om te gebeur.<\/p>\n<p>\u2019n Pretoriase kriminoloog <strong>dr. Christiaan Bezuidenhout<\/strong> s\u00ea niks kan ouerlike liefde en betrokkenheid vervang nie. \u201cDis al met navorsing bewys dat kinders eerder \u2019n huis vol liefde sal kies bo \u2019n huis waar geld volop, maar wedersydse liefde en tyd min is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Die bekende <strong>dr. Phil McGraw<\/strong> noem oormatige bederf \u2019n \u201ckruipende vorm van kindermishandeling\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJou werk as ouer is om jou kind vir die w\u00eareld voor te berei. In die regte w\u00eareld kry \u2019n mens nie altyd wat jy wil h\u00ea nie. Jy sal dit beter kan hanteer as volwassene as jy dit reeds as kind ervaar het.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Verder maan hy dat as jou verhouding met jou kind op materi\u00eble dinge gegrond is, jou kind nooit sal voel hoe dit is om onvoorwaardelik liefgeh\u00ea te word nie.<\/p>\n<p>Ons voorbeeld as ouers, waarsku Dr. Phil, is van uiterste belang. \u201cOns is nie die enigste voorbeeld in ons kinders se lewe nie, dus beter ons sorg dat ons die beste voorbeeld is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Te veel geld tas ook jou kind se waardestelsel aan. \u201cHulle het minder empatie vir mense wat nie het wat hulle het nie, en waardeer dit wat hulle het, ook minder,\u201d verduidelik Elize.<\/p>\n<p>Dis \u2019n bose kringloop. \u201cOuers wat instop, is gewoonlik ook baie manipuleerbaar, wat beteken dat \u2019n kind respek vir die ouer verloor,\u201d waarsku Elize. \u201cDie kind het nie respek vir enigiets of iemand nie, en boonop verloor die ouer die gesag wat nodig is om dissipline op te dwing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Wat is die oplossing?<\/h4>\n<p>Die Australiese kinderopvoeding-ghoeroe, <strong>Steve Biddulph<\/strong>, is \u2019n kampvegter vir die terugkeer na outydse waardes en dissipline. Hy stel dit onomwonde in sy boek <em>The Secrets of Happy Children<\/em> (Harper Collins Publishers, 2002): \u201cAs ouers nie ferm is nie, ontwikkel kinders geen innerlike beheer nie. Hulle hou net aan om soos tweejariges op te tree, selfs as hulle 5, 15 of 25 is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Hy s\u00ea \u2019n kind se lewe is \u2019n gemors sonder innerlike dissipline. Ouers wat kinders laat doen wat hulle wil, veroorsaak \u2019n lewenslange gestremdheid by die kinders en eindelose probleme wag op hulle as hulle die regte w\u00eareld betree.<\/p>\n<p>Daar\u2019s net een manier om vir jou kind ware vryheid in \u2019n moeilike w\u00eareld te gee, meen Biddulph, en dis deur hom goeie selfdissipline te leer. \u201cDan kan hy die w\u00eareld aanvat.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDis belangrik om jou kind van vroeg af te leer om verantwoordelikheid vir homself en sy optrede te aanvaar,\u201d verduidelik Anneline. As ouers onaanvaarbare gedrag ongestraf laat, of intree sodra daar reperkussies is oor \u2019n kind se optrede (deur byvoorbeeld \u2019n boete te betaal), kry kinders die boodskap dat daar altyd \u2019n manier is om verantwoordelikheid te ontduik. \u201cRe\u00ebls word dan nie ernstig opgeneem of gerespekteer nie, en gedrag kan vererger en uitloop op misdadige optrede.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Elize voel baie sterk oor instop. As ma en as sielkundige. \u201c\u2019n Mens ontneem eintlik jou kind van sy kindwees as jy hom te veel bederf. As jou seun in graad 2 al \u2019n Playstation kry, wat gaan jy gee om hom op 14 te be\u00efndruk? Prostitute en dwelms? Dis tyd dat ouers selfondersoek doen om vas te stel hoekom dit vir hulle so belangrik is om hul kinders te bederf en te be\u00efndruk.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOns as ouers moet besef ons is honderd persent verantwoordelik vir wat met ons kinders gebeur. Hou die leisels kort en die geld min. Al haat jou kind jou nou, gaan hy eendag vir jou dankie s\u00ea,\u201d s\u00ea Elize.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lees ook:\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/aktiewe-kinders-is-slimmer-kinders\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Aktiewe kinders is slimmer kinders<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As jy gedink het jy doen jou kind \u2019n guns deur hom geld in die hand te stop, dink weer. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":138547,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[679,662],"tags":[3318,23444,24736],"class_list":["post-97941","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ouerskap","category-jou-lewe","tag-jou-kind","tag-parenting","tag-family"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Stop die instoppery | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As jy gedink het jy doen jou kind \u2019n guns deur hom geld in die hand te stop, dink weer. 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