{"id":7592,"date":"2023-04-25T11:44:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-25T09:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rooirose.dvlp.site\/n-toe-mond-is-n-heel-mond\/"},"modified":"2023-04-25T12:02:15","modified_gmt":"2023-04-25T10:02:15","slug":"n-toe-mond-is-n-heel-mond","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/n-toe-mond-is-n-heel-mond\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2019n Toe mond is \u2019n heel mond"},"content":{"rendered":"

Onlangs deel iemand die volgende aanhaling met my: \u201cThe ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Vir my met \u2019n voorliefde vir tale en die geskrewe en gesproke woord, maar met die vermo\u00eb om soms my groot linkervoet dwars in my mond te sit, was hierdie aanhaling \u2019n kolskoot.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Reeds as kleuter het my ma dikwels vermaan: \u201cAs mens nie iets moois kan s\u00ea nie, bly jy eerder stil.\u201d<\/p>\n

Op skool het ons gehoor: \u201c\u2019n Toe mond is \u2019n heel mond.\u201d En ook: \u201cDit is beter om jou mond te hou en te lyk asof jy dom is, as wat jy jou mond oopmaak en alle twyfel uit die weg ruim.\u201d<\/p>\n

Die oomblik as ek myself verspreek of presies die verkeerde ding op die regte tyd kwytraak, het ek al gewens mense dink eerder ek is dom as ongevoelig.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, wat veroorsaak dat mens se tongspier dikwels vinniger is as jou brein, dat mens onvanpaste en onbedagsame dinge s\u00ea en taktloos optree? En hoekom het sommige bome eenvoudig nie \u2019n enkele empatiese tak(t) nie?<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Volgens Mandy Kloppers<\/strong>, \u2019n sielkundige, berader, skrywer en lewensafrigter, is daar \u2019n paar redes hoekom mense taktloos optree. Die persoon het \u2019n gebrek aan empatie en kan hom- of haarself nie in \u2019n ander se skoene indink en besef dat wat hy of sy s\u00ea, kan ontstig of ontstel of seermaak nie. S\u00f3 \u2019n persoon se \u201ctaktfilter is gebreek\u201d s\u00ea Mandy en dit kan wees weens vorige ervarings of aangeleerde gedrag.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Goed en wel. Dit is soms regtig moeilik om simpatie en empatie te h\u00ea met \u2019n gebreekte taktfilter as dit jou selfbeeld onverwags \u2019n haakhou gee. Veral op \u2019n dag dat die selfbeeld met die verkeerde, brose voet uit die bed opgestaan het.<\/p>\n

Ek onthou \u2019n keer toe die ma van \u2019n klasmaatjie van my dogtertjie vir my kliphard voor die kleuterskoolklas vol ouers en kinders gevra het hoe ver ek dan swanger is. Toe ek dit blosend aflag as \u201c\u2019n winterbaba\u201d menende dat dit al die lekker winterbredies en suikerryke warm drankies is, was haar opvolghou sowaar: \u201cHaai, maar ek kan nie glo iemand kan s\u00f3 vinnig s\u00f3veel gewig optel sonder om swanger te wees nie. Jy moet dalk maar \u2019n toetsie gaan koop?\u201d Straaik twee.
\nEk en my pokkelpensie het maar so gou moontlik spore gemaak.<\/p>\n

Volgens Mandy moet mens sulke tipe opmerkings en kommentaar maar vat van wie dit kom. Die einste moedertjie met die swangerskapraad is berug vir haar gebrek aan takt. Sy het onder andere al vir \u2019n vriendin wat kort tevore haar man onverwags aan die dood moes afstaan, met \u2019n glimlag ges\u00ea: \u201cMaar jy het mos dan nou vir moeilikheid gesoek om so \u2019n ou man te trou!\u201d<\/p>\n

Daarna het daar \u2019n swanger stilte om die kuiertafel geheers totdat iemand weer die ys met ditjies en datjies gebreek het.<\/p>\n

\u2019n Vriendin met \u2019n outistiese seuntjie wat homself met moeite en soms met vloermoere uitdruk, het al moedeloos vertel hoe die ongevraagde kommentaar van ou tannies in winkelsentrums haar al bykans in \u2019n kluisenaar laat verander het. \u201cAs ek nog \u00e9\u00e9n keer moet hoor dat al wat hy nodig het, \u2019n goeie pak slae is, gaan ek begin slae uitdeel,\u201d sug sy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoekom voel soveel mense dit is hulle reg en medemenslike plig om ongevraagde kommentaar as \u201cgoedbedoelde raad\u201d aan ander op te dis?<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u2019n Ouer dame het eenmaal nadat my swangerskap in \u2019n miskraam op 12 weke uitgedraai het, aan my ges\u00ea: \u201cTen minste weet jy nou jy k\u00e1n swanger raak. Julle moet net bietjie harder oefen om dit reg te kry!\u201d Di\u00e9 ou grappie het my amper die telefoon saam met my trane laat sluk.<\/p>\n

Daar is \u2019n tyd en plek vir alles. Maar sommige grappies en gedagtes moet eerder nie hardop gedeel word nie.<\/p>\n

\u2019n Universiteitsk\u00earel wie se ma ek eers ontmoet het l\u00e1nk nadat ons begin uitgaan het, se heeleerste woorde aan my was: \u201cMy jinne, ek het gedink (K\u00earel) sal vir hom \u2019n mooi donkerkop meisie kies.\u201d Net dit.<\/p>\n

My blondekop kon gelukkig nie op daardie oomblik aan iets pittig of venynig dink om daarop te antwoord nie en ek het verstaan hoekom K\u00earel s\u00f3 lank geneem het om my voor te stel \u2013 hy het my moontlik teen die vuurtong probeer beskerm.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Maak wat jy wil, met party mense het jy meer as \u2019n harde huid nodig. En uit ervaring weet ek dit is maar soms beter vir die vel \u00e9n gemoed om draaie om sulke mense te loop.<\/p>\n

Gepraat van draaie loop. Toe ek nog vroeg in die laerskool was, was een van my gunstelinguitstappies om saam met my pa Vrydagmiddae of weeksaande gou biblioteek toe te gaan om boeke uit te neem of inligting vir \u2019n skooltaak te kry.<\/p>\n

Die dorpsbiblioteek op my grootworddorp het \u2019n groot tuin met geplaveide paadjies en dit was hoeka een laatmiddag op een van hierdie paadjies op pad motor toe, dat ek vol bewondering – maar weliswaar heeltemal t\u00e9 hard – vir my pa gefluister het om vir die \u201cvr\u00e9\u00e9slike vet omie hier voor ons\u201d te kyk.<\/p>\n

Die omie was niemand anders nie as die swaargewig-bokser Mike Schutte wat in daardie stadium kort-kort die nuus gehaal het weens sy humeur. Nodeloos om te s\u00ea: Toe ek omdraai om te kyk waar my pa dan is, was hy skoonveld. Hasepad gekies en agter \u2019n pilaar gaan skuil.<\/p>\n

Klein boompies moet dikwels nog tak(t)ke groei en ek het self al met \u2019n rooi gesig gesit oor die dinge wat die Genade-kroos kwytraak.<\/p>\n

Soos die keer toe ons genooi is vir koffie by iemand en my seuntjie sommer met die intrapslag vir die gasvrou s\u00ea hy sal sy koeldrank \u201cin \u2019n \u2018takeaway cup\u2019 vat, Tannie, want Mamma het ges\u00ea ons gaan beslis nie lank by j\u00falle mense bly nie\u201d.
\nEk het gewens ek kon my rooi gesig in \u2019n wegneemkardoes pak en dadelik spore maak.<\/p>\n

My sosiale vlindertjie (tans 6) knoop baie graag joviale geselsies met mense in winkeltoue aan. Sy het al onder andere vir \u2019n Moslemdame wat ten volle geklee was in haar swart abaya, ges\u00ea: \u201cTannie se ninja-klere is m\u00f3\u00f3i!\u201d
\nSy het ook die supermarkkassier gelukgewens met \u201cal die tandjies wat Tannie gewissel het\u201d en gevra hoeveel die Tandemuis vir haar gebring het.<\/p>\n

Sulke onskuld sorg vir in-die-mou-giggel-oomblikke en dis waar die verskil l\u00ea tussen iets effe onvanpas kwytraak, maar uit kinderlike onskuld en met \u2019n goeie bedoeling \u2013 en iets goor en simpel aan iemand s\u00ea bloot omdat jy nie maniere of \u2019n filter het nie. Erger dan ook om daarna met \u2019n stroopsoet glimlag te s\u00ea: \u201cAg, ek het net \u2019n ou grappietjie gemaak!\u201d<\/p>\n

As jy nie iets moois kan s\u00ea nie, is dit eenvoudig: M\u00f3\u00e9nie jou mond oopmaak nie. En as iemand keer op keer iets nie-moois-nie vir jou en oor jou uitblaker, is dit effe moeiliker, maar eweneens eenvoudig: M\u00f3\u00e9nie luister nie.<\/p>\n

Party bome het nou maar eenmaal nie \u2019n enkele empatiese tak(t) nie.
\n* * *
\nMandy Kloppers se blog: http:\/\/thoughtsonliveandlove.com<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lees ook:\u00a0<\/strong>Nuwe grense: Wanneer ouers en hul volwasse kinders saamwoon<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Onlangs deel iemand die volgende aanhaling met my: \u201cThe ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.\u201d Vir my met \u2019n voorliefde vir tale en die geskrewe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":137019,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[682],"tags":[2191,2192,2193,2194],"class_list":["post-7592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","tag-mond","tag-selfbeeld","tag-takt","tag-tong"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u2019n Toe mond is \u2019n heel mond | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Wat veroorsaak dat mens se tongspier dikwels vinniger is as jou brein, dat mens onvanpaste en onbedagsame dinge s\u00ea en taktloos optree?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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