{"id":69225,"date":"2024-04-19T10:29:44","date_gmt":"2024-04-19T08:29:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/?p=69225"},"modified":"2024-04-19T10:37:21","modified_gmt":"2024-04-19T08:37:21","slug":"waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\/","title":{"rendered":"Waar is die vrede in jou huis?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Keer op keer veg julle dieselfde geveg oor en oor. Hy is ongeduldig en kortaf met die kinders en jy praat hom aan. Dan word hy eers kwaad. Gevaarlike en kras woorde vlieg heen en weer. Dit wond en kwes. Jy is kwaad. Hy is kwaad. Die kinders huil. Die atmosfeer is bederf. Niemand praat aan etenstafel nie. Hy gaan sit voor die TV en kom nie saam met jou bed toe nie. Die kinders neul en is veeleisend. Jy was die skottelgoed wrokkig en pak nie vir hom vir die volgende dag kos in werk toe nie. Hy is verkeerd en jy is reg. Hy meen jy oorreageer en die kinders het dissipline en \u2019n ferm hand nodig. En in elk geval skree jy ook dikwels op hulle. Wat het hy nou eintlik verkeerd gedoen? Jy kla juis dat hulle nie vir jou luister nie.<\/p>\n<p>Dis julle soveelste geveg oor dieselfde ding. Sonder \u2019n oplossing. In hierdie geval is dit nie <em>practice makes perfect<\/em> nie, maar <em>practice makes permanent<\/em>. Herhalende gedrag vorm <strong>assosiatiewe breinpatrone<\/strong>. \u2019n Sekere woord, stemtoon of liggaamshouding (dis die assosiasie) het dadelik die snellereffek van woede, want jy het elke vorige keer toe dit gebeur het, kwaad geword.<\/p>\n<p>As daar so \u2019n patroon gevorm het, is dit moeilik om rustig oor sekere sensitiewe onderwerpe te praat, want ons liggame gaan in \u2019n veg-of-vlug toestand. En dan reageer ons dikwels op ou patrone en ou seer, wat min met die huidige situasie te doen het. Dan s\u00ea en doen jy goed wat <strong>irrasioneel<\/strong> is en jy nie bedoel nie. In so \u2019n situasie maak dit amper nie saak wat die ander persoon se reaksie is nie, hulle kan nie reg optree nie.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/skep-vrede-jou-huis\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Lees ook: Skep so vrede in jou huis<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Mauritz vertel: \u201cMy gerekende, agtermekaar en stylvolle vrou &#8211; vir die buitew\u00eareld &#8211; het soms niks nodig om te ontplof nie. Die kleinste dingetjie wat ek of die kinders s\u00ea of doen, ontlok \u2019n orkaan van woede, geskel en geskree. Dan is sy glad nie dieselfde vrou saam met wie ek die vorige naweek so ontspanne weg was nie. Ek wil haar dan iewers in \u2019n gestig sit, of skei. Ek kan dit nie verduur nie, wat ek natuurlik nie durf s\u00ea nie. Haar woede gaan gewoonlik oor iets wat nie by haar rigiede, perfeksionistiese planne ingepas het nie, of as een van ons durf waag om van haar te verskil. Sy raak buite haarself en s\u00ea die vreeslikste goed voor die kinders, bevraagteken my karakter en intellek met skeldname, beledig, verneder, verkleineer &#8230; woorde maak soveel seerder as enigiets anders.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Mense het verskillende behoeftes en menings. Hulle doen, dink en glo verskillend. Dit lei maklik tot bitter <strong>konflik<\/strong>, wat mense en verhoudings wond en jou geluk en energie steel. En dit gaan meestal oor dieselfde goed: geld, honde wat nie kos gegee is nie, \u2019n nat handdoek op die vloer, dat jy tien keer moet praat voor die kind luister, huiswerk wat nie gedoen is nie, goed wat nie geb\u00eare is nie, klere of speelgoed wat rondl\u00ea &#8230; klein dingetjies, wat groot irritasies word en mense aan liefde laat twyfel. En dit gebeur gewoonlik wanneer een of albei emosioneel raak, oormoeg of gestres is en die ander een vir sy foute en reaksies blameer.<\/p>\n<p>Jou kind hardloop voor \u2019n aankomende motor in. Jy gryp hom en skree: \u201cMy magtig, kan jy nie kyk wat jy doen nie? Hoeveel keer moet ek vir jou s\u00ea &#8230; \u201d Die woedereaksie is \u2019n <strong>sekond\u00eare emosie<\/strong>. Daaronder l\u00ea die vrees dat jou kosbare kind iets kon oorkom. Die kind ervaar: Ek is byna dood en wat doen my ma? Sy baklei met my. Maar sou jy die prim\u00eare emosie kon kommuni-keer: \u201cMy hart het byna gaan staan, ek was bang jy kom iets oor,\u201d het dit die verhouding versterk.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Woede<\/strong> is gewoonlik \u2019n sekond\u00eare emosie, die lelike dekmantel vir dieper gevoelens soos ou seerkry, of vrees vir verlies of verwerping; dat jy dink jy is nie goed genoeg nie. As jy jou prim\u00eare emosie kan kommunikeer, is dit makliker om \u2019n ruimte te skep om die gevoelens in die verhouding heel te maak.<\/p>\n<p>Dis moeilik om ou patrone van hewige gevegte te verander \u2013 en dit kom dikwels uit mense se <strong>kinderdae<\/strong>. As mense twyfel aan iemand se goeie bedoelings en opregte motiewe, word selfs \u2019n verskoning of hulp nie aanvaar nie. In verhoudings waar positiewe welwillendheid die botoon voer, reageer mense op \u2019n skerp reaksie met: \u201cAg, hy is seker net moeg en gestres.\u201d Maar as negatiwiteit en wantroue in iemand se motiewe die botoon voer, word selfs positiewe opmerkings en dade negatief as manipulasie ge\u00efnterpreteer. Dis moeilik om die patrone om te draai as die een die ander minag of as minderwaardig sien. Dan het mense dikwels \u2019n mediator nodig, om insig en verandering te kry.<\/p>\n<p>Om gevegte te stop is dit nodig dat mense met mekaar praat op so \u2019n manier dat elkeen voel hy word gehoor en is geregtig op sy mening. Om nie te praat nie en net maar gevegte te vermy, is nie die antwoord nie. Dit laat mense emosioneel leeg en verwyderd van mekaar. Goeie <strong>kommunikasie<\/strong> is die antwoord.<\/p>\n<p>Om <strong>verhoudings<\/strong> te bou en vrede in jou huis te h\u00ea vra rustigheid in jou, wysheid en \u2019n fyn aanvoeling en nie eiesinnige trots nie. Jy kan vir die meeste mense amper enigiets s\u00ea, dit hang net af wanneer jy dit s\u00ea en hoe jy dit s\u00ea. Hoop is geduld met \u2019n lampie!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lees ook:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/met-liefde-reels-18-wenke-vir-moderne-ouers\/\">Met liefde &amp;#038; re\u00ebls: 18 wenke vir moderne ouers<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So dikwels is dit die mense vir wie ons die liefste is, wat ons die seerste maak. Dis so moeilik om met \u2019n troffel in die een hand en \u2019n swaard in die ander hand aan \u2019n verhouding te bou. Ons wil nie baklei en seermaak nie, maar ons doen dit &#8230; Deur Anys Rossouw<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":144356,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[651,662],"tags":[150,345,834,1373,1930,2053,5402],"class_list":["post-69225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-verhoudings","category-jou-lewe","tag-ouers","tag-woede","tag-kinders","tag-emosies","tag-kommunikasie","tag-huwelik","tag-breinkrag"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Waar is die vrede in jou huis? | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So dikwels is dit die mense vir wie ons die liefste is, wat ons die seerste maak. 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Dis so moeilik om met \u2019n troffel in die een hand en \u2019n swaard in die ander hand aan \u2019n verhouding te bou.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"rooi rose\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/rooirose\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-04-19T08:29:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-04-19T08:37:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/pexels-julia-larson-6456264.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Michelle Nortje\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@rooi_rose\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@rooi_rose\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Michelle Nortje\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Michelle Nortje\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/5e2ea2899ffb0152930df78c23d3dddd\"},\"headline\":\"Waar is die vrede in jou huis?\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-04-19T08:29:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-04-19T08:37:21+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":939,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2024\\\/04\\\/pexels-julia-larson-6456264.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"ouers\",\"woede\",\"kinders\",\"emosies\",\"Kommunikasie\",\"huwelik\",\"breinkrag\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Verhoudings\",\"Jou lewe\"],\"inLanguage\":\"af-ZA\",\"copyrightYear\":\"2024\",\"copyrightHolder\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/#organization\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/\",\"name\":\"Waar is die vrede in jou huis? | rooi rose\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/waar-is-die-vrede-in-jou-huis\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/novanews.co.za\\\/rooirose\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2024\\\/04\\\/pexels-julia-larson-6456264.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-04-19T08:29:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-04-19T08:37:21+00:00\",\"description\":\"So dikwels is dit die mense vir wie ons die liefste is, wat ons die seerste maak. 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