{"id":63755,"date":"2016-12-19T11:21:34","date_gmt":"2016-12-19T09:21:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/?p=63755"},"modified":"2016-12-19T11:21:34","modified_gmt":"2016-12-19T09:21:34","slug":"krismislyf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/krismislyf\/","title":{"rendered":"Krismislyf"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2019n Week voor Krismis het dit tot my deurgedring: Ek is dik.<\/p>\n

Van my voornemens sedert September om gewig te verloor sodat ek my sonbruin sellulietlose somerlyf teen Kersfees kan vertoon, het niks gekom nie.<\/p>\n

Die einde van die jaar stres het veroorsaak dat ek ten minste 10 kg sjokolade verorber het.<\/p>\n

My enigste redding gaan wees \u2019n\u00a0dieet waarmee ek 20 kg in een week kan verloor.<\/p>\n

Google<\/em> het my nog nooit in die steek gelaat nie: \u201cHow to lose 20 kg in a week<\/em>\u201d het ek hoopvol ingetik. Ek het sekondes gewag, en .. \u00a0Whalla!, die skerm het vol oplossings gespring. My hoop is verpletter toe ek begin lees: How to\u00a0lose 20 kg\u00a0of fat in 30\u00a0days; How to\u00a0lose\u00a01 kg in 1\u00a0day<\/em>; How to lose 15 kg in\u00a02\u00a0weeks<\/em>. Nie een oplossing van hoe om 20 kg in een week te verloor nie. Ek was gedoem tot \u2019n\u00a0dik Krismis.<\/p>\n

Liggaamshouding! Het ek onthou! Ek het immers al menigmaal in my loopbaan by vrouetydskrifte gesien hoe fotograwe \u2019n\u00a0mollige celeb<\/em> kan stileer sodat sy so maer as moontlik lyk (voor Photoshop<\/em>). Ek het besluit ek sal doodeenvoudig vir twee weke in my maer pose<\/em> versteen en staan of sit.<\/p>\n

Mens doen dit so: As jy staan of op die strandhanddoek sit, swaai jy die regterkant van jou lyf effe na voor\/binne en sit jou regterbeen so effe voor of oor die linkerbeen. (Kyk hoe die celebs<\/em> op die rooi tapyt of op die strand poseer. Dis hoe jy dit reg doen.) Jy hou jou rug kiertsregop om die vetrolle effe tussen die ribbekas en bekkenbeen te \u00a0versprei en dan strek jy die ken ook effe na bo om van die dubbelken ontslae te raak. Dit help ook nie jou lyf is reg en jou o\u00eb is powwers van oorwerk nie. Jy moet hulle oop rek om groter te laat lyk en verkieslik nie jou oog knip nie, al droog jou oogballe uit. As jou mondhoeke afgetrek is van maande se irritasie met kollegas, moet jy \u2019n\u00a0glimlag aanplak wat net breed genoeg is dat mens \u2019n\u00a0Mariebeskuitjie tussen jou tanne kan indruk. Dis soos die celebs<\/em> dit doen. (Dis beter om dik en vriendelik te lyk as dik en nors.) Dis ook belangrik dat jy onthou jy doen dit alles terwyl jy jou maag en agtertstewe intrek en verkieslik nie asemhaal nie.<\/p>\n

Ek het dit so vir \u2019n\u00a0uur geoefen tot my rug in \u2019n\u00a0spasma gegaan en my lippe blou geraak het van \u2019n\u00a0tekort aan suurstof. Ek dink ek sal hierdie pose<\/em> net beoefen in gevalle van nood soos as ek \u2019n\u00a0ou universiteitsboyfriend<\/em> op die strand sien.<\/p>\n

Daar was nog \u2019n oplossing wat ek oorweeg het. Daai lyfkouse wat Verimark adverteer! Dit strek van jou buustelyn tot by jou kniekoppe en druk al jou vet na binne. Ek het al een keer gesien hoe die mense van die garderobe op stel van \u2019n\u00a0sepie \u2019n\u00a0mollige aktrise in so \u2019n\u00a0kontrepsie indwing. Dit was nie \u2019n\u00a0mooi gesig nie, maar as dit moet, dan moet dit.<\/p>\n

Dit werk so. Jy het twee helpers nodig wat weerskante van jou staan. Elkeen moet aan \u2019n\u00a0kant van die lyfkous vashou. Jy steek eerste jou voete in. Dit is die maklike deel. Dan trek jy dit oor jou kuite. Dis ook maklik. Hier by die bobene kom jou moeilikheid. Om die ding oor jou agterstewe te kry, moet jou helpers die broekgedeelte weerskante styf vashou en as hulle s\u00ea: \u201cSpring!\u201d moet jy spring en as jy sping, moet hulle gelyk die broek optrek. As jou agterstewe eers in is moet jy jou maag en die vetbolletjies onder jou buustelyn in die lyfgedeelte van die ding ingedruk kry. Dit kan asemhalingsprobleme veroorsaak, maar is ideaal vir daardie een mooi strandfoto wat jy op Facebook of Instagram wil plaas.<\/p>\n

Ek het vanoggend twee pienk kalmeerpille gedrink en die winkels gepak op soek na \u2019n\u00a0baaikostuum wat my nie soos \u2019n\u00a0gestrande walrus sal laat lyk nie.<\/p>\n

Die dilemma is dat swembroeke vir volwasse voller figure onverkrygbaar is. Daar is wel die met sulke rokkies wat strek van die buustelyn tot diskreet bokant jou mollige wit kniekoppe, maar uit ervaring weet ek die rokkie blaas soos \u2019n\u00a0ballon op om jou lyf as jy in die swembad klim en dit is nie die effek wat ek wil h\u00ea nie.<\/p>\n

Kon die mensdom, met al sy kennis oor tegnologie, nog nie \u2019n\u00a0kostuum ontwerp met \u2019n\u00a0superrekstof wat jou appellyf in \u2019n\u00a0uurglaslyf verander nie?<\/p>\n

Ek het wel by die kraamafdeling gaan loer. Maar die laaste ding wat ek nou nodig het, is om te lyk of ek enige oomblik in kraam kan gaan. Op my ouderdom sal dit nie deug nie.<\/p>\n

Van die Lycra-nommers het in die aanpashokkie teen my natgeswete lyf vasgesuig en my vetrolle tot teen my longe gedruk. Selle probleem as met die lyfkous. Mens het hulp nodig as jy hom wil aantrek.<\/p>\n

Van die swembroeke wat om my agterstewe pas, pas nie om my karige buustelyn nie. En, ek dog daardie broeke wat by die heupe so hoog opgesny is, is lankal uit die mode? Niemand wil sien hoe hou love handles<\/em> by jou heupbene verbyflap nie!<\/p>\n

Van die kostuums sou net vir my pas as ek vier van my ribbe laat verwyder en \u2019n\u00a0stewige liposuiging op my boudjies laat doen.<\/p>\n

Dis hoekom ek nou hier by die Mug & Bean sit met \u2019n\u00a0dekadente bose dik melkskommel voor my.<\/p>\n

Ek is dik, ek ry m\u00f4re met vakansie, en daar is niks wat ek daaraan kan doen nie.<\/p>\n

Ek het netnou in een van daardie nare aanpashokkies kaal voor die spie\u00ebl gestaan en van alle kante krities na my lyf gekyk.<\/p>\n

Ek het \u2019n\u00a0paar letsels op my maag van laparoskopie\u00eb van toe ek \u2019n\u00a0paar jaar gesukkel het om swanger te raak. Elke letsel herinner my dat alles in die lewe nie vanselfsprekend is nie. Ek het \u2019n\u00a0letsel waar my galblaas verwyder is wat my herinner dat ek so byna byna die emmer geskop het en \u2019n\u00a0tweede kans gekry het. Ek het rekplekke van twee swangerskappe en dit herinner my dat daar altyd hoop en genade is en dat my kinders \u2019n\u00a0blessing<\/em> in oormaat is. My borsies is effe plat, maar dit herinner my daaraan dat ek twee kinders kon borsvoed en \u2019n\u00a0wonderlike band met hulle kon smee. My boudjies is effe rond, maar ek weet dit voorsien my met lekker kussings vir al die ure wat ek voor my rekenaar moet sit en skryf.<\/p>\n

Dis hoekom ek nou hierdie melkskommel drink. Ek het op hierdie oomblik vrede met my lyf en myself. Ek het hierdie jaar ongenadig hard gewerk en ek verdien die rus.<\/p>\n

As jy my dus op die strand sien in my strandpakkie, waai vir my. Miskien wys ek jou my maer pose<\/em> … of dalk nooi ek jou om saam met my \u2019n\u00a0melkskommel te gaan drink.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Krismislyf, \u2019n Kersverhaal deur Martie Swanepoel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":50799,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43452,3476],"tags":[1258,1518,104,239],"class_list":["post-63755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lees","category-ontspanning","tag-lees","tag-kortverhaal","tag-kersfees","tag-verhaal"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nKrismislyf | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/krismislyf\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Krismislyf | rooi rose\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" 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