{"id":44883,"date":"2016-03-10T15:14:41","date_gmt":"2016-03-10T13:14:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/?p=44883"},"modified":"2016-03-10T15:14:41","modified_gmt":"2016-03-10T13:14:41","slug":"nee-jammer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/nee-jammer\/","title":{"rendered":"Nee, jammer."},"content":{"rendered":"

Ek loop die afgelope week pal met die volgende vraag voorop in my gedagtes: Waarom vind ons vroumense dit s\u00f3 moeilik om nee te s\u00ea? Of, is \u00e9k dalk net \u2019n baie groot sucker<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Soos meeste ander weke, het hierdie een ook sy goeie dosis van telefoniese en kuberversoeke opgelewer. \u201cKan jy gou help hiermee?\u201d, \u201cSal jy dalk vir my kind \u2019n mondeling kan skryf \u2013 ek het doodeenvoudig nie tyd nie?\u201d, \u201cKan jy gou vir my help dink aan \u2019n vertaling vir die volgende paragraaf \u2013 ek kan nie nou dink aan iets nie?\u201d en dergelike \u201cKan jy gou\u2026?\u201d\u2019s wat inderwaarheid nooit net \u201cgou\u201d of bloot \u201chelp\u201d is nie, maar die gevolg het dat ek tyd by my eie spertye afknyp om dikwels nie bloot te help nie, maar dit namens die vriendelike versoeker te d\u00f3\u00e9n.<\/p>\n

Want, sien, ek h\u00e9t mos nou die tyd om orals \u201cnet gou\u201d te help \u2013 en as mens dan die vaardighede ook het om byvoorbeeld \u201cgou\u201d \u2019n mondeling te skryf, of \u2019n hele rits vertaalekwivalente in paragraafvorm te verskaf, hoekom dan nie\u2026?<\/p>\n

Ek is geleer mens help waar jy kan, wanneer jy kan. Jy help omdat jy kan en nie om iets terug te verwag nie.<\/p>\n

En, dit \u00eds baie mooi en edel om so diensbaar te wees. Maar, dit kom ongelukkig ook met \u2019n prys.<\/p>\n

Elke bietjie \u201cnet gou help\u201d waarvoor ek daagliks my kop op-en-af knik, neem \u2019n bietjie van die reeds min en kosbare tyd weg wat ek het om aan my eie kinders en eie huishouding en eie werk te bestee.<\/p>\n

Want, sien, ek het gekies om \u2019n tuisblyma te wees wat vryskut werk doen. Vryskutwerk beteken ongelukkig as ek nie werk nie, kry ek nie geld nie. Of soos my Skeinatonnie altyd ges\u00ea het as ons mor oor nog bladsye vol vektore vir huiswerk: \u201cWie nie werk nie, kan nie eet nie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ek het gekies om alleen my huishouding te behartig sonder \u2019n huishulp of iemand wat kan help met die duisend-en-een takies op \u2019n ma se daaglikse moet-doen-lysie. Ja, \u00e9k het gekies.<\/p>\n

Maar, soms lyk dit regtig of mense hulle vir my wip as ek nie bloot \u201cmaar net gou\u201d iets vir hulle kinders doen nie. Dan wil ek my verstout en vra of hulle sal omgee om \u201cnet gou\u201d my vertaalprojek klaar te maak, of hulle huishulp oor te stuur om \u201cnet gou\u201d my vloere te kom was en die skoolklere te kom stryk, of \u201cnet gou\u201d my kinders heen-en-weer te ry karate toe.<\/p>\n

Maar, ek doen dit nie. Net soos ek eenvoudig ni\u00e9 \u2019n doktersvriend sal bel om \u201cnet gou\u201d \u2019n voorskrif te skryf vir my eie brandende keel nie. Of van my haarkappervriendin sal verwag om \u201cnet gou\u201d my hare gratis droog te blaas nie \u2013 al doen sy dit so goed.<\/p>\n

Maar, ek weet ek is nie die enigste een wat dikwels my kop teen die muur wil stamp omdat ek weer \u201cja\u201d ges\u00ea het vir \u2019n \u201cnet gou\u201d wat kosbare minute en ure inslurp nie. \u2019n Vriendin wat \u2019n gekwalifiseerde onderwyser is, vertel dat sy nou ook besluit het om haar voet neer te sit. As ma van drie bedrywige kinders, moet sy self so dikwels op drie verskillende plekke op dieselfde tyd wees en aan elk van die drie kinders se behoeftes voorsien, dat sy eenvoudig nie die hande of tyd het om nog weekliks smiddae \u201cnet gou\u201d \u2019n klomp ander kinders \u2019n ekstra klas\u2026 of twee\u2026 of drie te gee nie. Daar is eenvoudig nie genoeg ure in \u2019n dag daarvoor nie.<\/p>\n

Ek deel my vriendin se dilemma. Ons w\u00edl so graag \u201cnet gou\u201d help \u2013 regtig, veral as dit \u2019n goeie vriendin of aangename kennis is, sal ek my bene breek as ek kan help. Maar, heel dikwels beteken dit dan dat my kind wat vir \u2019n toetsreeks leer, gou nog \u2019n halfuur moet sit en wag voor ek sy werk vir hom kan vra om te toets of hy dit ken. Of my dogtertjie moet \u201cnet gou\u201d eers wag met haar belangrike storie oor wat vandag in die klas gebeur het, want ek is \u201cnet gou\u201d besig om \u2019n ander mamma se kind oor die telefoon te help. Op die ou end ly mens se eie kinders onder \u2019n ma wat te veel van \u2019n ander plaas se hooi op haar vurk het.<\/p>\n

Ek s\u00ea weer: Ek help graag as ek kan. Maar, die klein dingetjies bou op en vreet tyd en voor ek my o\u00eb kan uitvee, sit ek dikwels laatnag nog \u201cnet gou\u201d met my eie werk en spartel om klaar te kry, want vanoggend het ek \u201cnet gou\u201d iemand anders of dikwels vyf of ses iemande, eers gehelp.<\/p>\n

Ek vermoed dit is makliker vir mans? \u2019n Pa word in die eerste plek nie so gereeld en konstant ingespan met die kinders en hulle klasmaats en ander vriende se kinders se huiswerk nie. Maar, sou iemand \u2019n pa op \u2019n ongele\u00eb tyd vra om hulp, mag hy maar net doodeenvoudig en hoflik nee s\u00ea aangesien hy by die werk is en, wel, besig is. \u2019n Pa se nee is assertief en aanvaarbaar, maar die oomblik as \u2019n mamma \u201cnee\u201d s\u00ea omdat haar vurk reeds krom staan van al die hooi (en soms strooi), dan is sy \u2019n koeikop?<\/p>\n

Ons vroumense moet soveel dinge in ag neem. Ons wil nie verhoudings negatief be\u00efnvloed deur \u201cnee\u201d te s\u00ea as iemand vra om hulp nie. Ons wil almal gelukkig hou \u2013 dit is hoe ons gekondisioneer is reeds van kindsbeen af.<\/p>\n

Die uiteinde is dat ons dikwels dan maar \u201cja\u201d s\u00ea, maar eintlik dit glad nie kan inpas of bekostig om te help nie. Agterna moet jy dalk s\u00ea jammer, jy kan eenvoudig nie betyds help nie en s\u00f3 stel jy die persoon wat jy wou tevrede hou, in elk geval teleur. Of, jy voel wrewelrig omdat dit waarvoor jy ja ges\u00ea het, jou kosbare tyd verder insluk en jy weet uit ervaring dat daar nie eers \u2019n behoorlike dankie sal wees vir jou tyd en moeite nie \u2013 dit opsigself is ook nie bevorderlik vir enige verhouding nie.<\/p>\n

Wat is dan die oplossing? Ek wil graag vir almal ja s\u00ea omdat ek dit as \u2019n pluimpie beskou as iemand my raad oor taalkennis vra of genoeg vertroue het in my skryfvermo\u00eb om my te vra om iets te skryf. Maar, die werklikheid is dat ek doodeenvoudig m\u00f3\u00e9t prioritiseer. My kinders en huis en eie werkprojekte moet eenvoudig eerste kom. Daar is dikwels nie genoeg ure vir hierdie prioriteite nie.<\/p>\n

As ek dus in die vervolg \u201cnee\u201d s\u00ea vir iets wat nogal heelwat tyd in beslag kan neem, weet asseblief dit is nie persoonlik nie.\u00a0 Ek is net \u2019n mammamens met net twee hande. En, soos jy, het ek ook dikwels t\u00e9 veel hooi op my vurk.<\/p>\n

Nou moet ek net die volgende mantra met \u2019n glimlag prewel om myself te herinner:<\/p>\n

Kortstondige ongelukkigheid, is beter as ongelukkigheid op die lange duur. Glimlag en s\u00ea \u201cNee, jammer.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ek loop die afgelope week pal met die volgende vraag voorop in my gedagtes: Waarom vind ons vroumense dit s\u00f3 moeilik om nee te s\u00ea? Of, is \u00e9k dalk net \u2019n baie groot sucker? Soos meeste ander weke, het hierdie […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":44885,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[682],"tags":[35,2299],"class_list":["post-44883","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","tag-blogs","tag-ina-genade"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNee, jammer. | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/nee-jammer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nee, jammer. | rooi rose\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ek loop die afgelope week pal met die volgende vraag voorop in my gedagtes: Waarom vind ons vroumense dit s\u00f3 moeilik om nee te s\u00ea? Of, is \u00e9k dalk net \u2019n baie groot sucker? 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