{"id":41843,"date":"2016-02-08T15:12:15","date_gmt":"2016-02-08T13:12:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/?p=41843"},"modified":"2016-03-01T15:12:36","modified_gmt":"2016-03-01T13:12:36","slug":"dag-179","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/dag-179\/","title":{"rendered":"Dag 179"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Vandag is dit <strong>179 dae<\/strong> sedert ek vir die eerste keer op daardie swart leunstoel by die onkologie-eenheid gaan sit het. M\u00f4re groet ek die onkologie-eenheid, die drip en die swart leunstoele. Miskien, as ek gelukkig is, vir altyd. My laaste chemo-sessie l\u00ea voor.<\/p>\n<p>Ander kankerstryders het my vertel van die gemengde gevoelens van daardie <strong>laaste <\/strong>dag. Daar is blydskap, het hulle my vertel, gemeng met iets soos moe\u00eb gelatenheid oor die gewone herstelperiode wat voorl\u00ea, Daar is vrees en onsekerheid oor die bestraling wat voorl\u00ea. Dan is daar die hartseer oor die feit dat jy jou nuwe familie gaan groet. Want die personeel word jou familie.<\/p>\n<p>Daar ontwikkel &#8216;n spesiale band tussen jou en die mense wat saam met jou seerkry as die naald nie die eerste keer &#8216;n aar vind nie, die mense wat getrou die tyd op elke sakkie medisyne neerskryf en dit kom omruil met &#8216;n sakkie vol van ander medisyne waneer die vorige een leeg is. Die mense wat heen en weer tussen die pasi\u00ebnte loop om seker te maak almal is oukei en dat elkeen &#8216;n sakkie het wat nog nie leeg geloop het nie. Die mense wat lag en skerts met die pasi\u00ebnte sodat daardie vertrek gevul is met positiwiteit en humor. <strong>Engele<\/strong>, daardie mense. Die beste familie waarvoor mens kan vra. Tannie Drienie, Emmerentia, Estelle en Karin.<\/p>\n<p>Ek was gister emosioneel. Tranerig. Die rede vir die trane was daardie gemengde gevoelens en die enorme besef dat ek wel <strong>verander <\/strong>het. Al het ek h\u00f3\u00e9 hard probeer om die pre-kanker Madelein te behou, is &#8216;n groot deel van haar weg. Nadat ek my huile gehuil het, het die analitiese deel van my brein (dank Vader) weer tevoorskyn gekom. Jy is uitgeput, het my brein my herinner. P\u00ea en swak van die behandeling. Op soos ou brood. Dis hoekom die idee van verandering jou laat huil. Dink &#8216;n bietjie aan die siel. Die wonder daarvan. D\u00edt wat weggaan uit die siel word altyd vervang deur iets anders. Die siel word nie kleiner nie. Inteendeel, dit word groter soos wat mens se lewensreis vorder. Dit is so bestem omdat &#8216;n ongetemperde, ongesuiwerde siel nie onselfsugtig liefde, empatie en hulp kan uitdeel aan di\u00e9 wat dit nodig het nie. Onthou jy dan nie dat jy vir jare vir God gevra het om jou as instrument te gebruik nie? En het jy nie t\u00f3\u00e9 al besef dat jy eers geslyp sal moet word nie? God sal nie &#8216;n breekbare, swak instrument gebruik nie, sal Hy?<\/p>\n<p>Ek kry skoon skaam omdat die dankbaarheid vir God se bemoeienis met my vir &#8216;n paar huilerige minute vervang is deur &#8216;n opstandige gevoel van verlies.<\/p>\n<p>Nou dat die chemo sy einde nader, moet ek mylpale verskuif. En dit gaan gepaard met deeglike <strong>selfondersoek<\/strong>. Ek moet erken dat ek van voor af bang is vir wat voorl\u00ea. En dat ek meer vasberade is as ooit om hierdie ding tot op sy bitter einde deur te voer. Ken in die lug. Vuiste gebal. Want daar kan geen dapperheid bestaan in die afwesigheid van vrees nie en daar is &#8216;n siel wat groter en groter moet word.<\/p>\n<p>Ek moet nou begin dink aan die vier tot vyf weke se herstel van die moegheid, my naels wat waarskynlik gaan uitval, die wimpers en wenkbroue wat moontlik weer en weer kan uitval, die bestraling en uiteindelik weer die mes. Ja, ek sal wel deur die rekonstruksieproses gaan, het ek besluit. En ek gaan vra dat my linkerbors ook afgesit word. Maar net nog &#8216;n manier om kanker te fnuik.<\/p>\n<p>Hierdie <strong>nuwe <\/strong>Madelein het nog lank nie al die dinge geleer wat geleer moet word nie. Sy het nog baie slyp en temper wat voorl\u00ea totdat sy eendag die tuig neerl\u00ea om die ewigheid binne te gaan. Ek is bang, maar ek is bereidwillig. Gebruik my, Heer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vandag is dit 179 dae sedert ek vir die eerste keer op daardie swart leunstoel by die onkologie-eenheid gaan sit het. M\u00f4re groet ek die onkologie-eenheid, die drip en die swart leunstoele. Miskien, as ek gelukkig is, vir altyd. My [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":41877,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[682,3476],"tags":[35,762,1804],"class_list":["post-41843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","category-ontspanning","tag-blogs","tag-borskanker","tag-madelein-rust"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dag 179 | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/dag-179\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dag 179 | rooi rose\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Vandag is dit 179 dae sedert ek vir die eerste keer op daardie swart leunstoel by die onkologie-eenheid gaan sit het. 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