{"id":2788,"date":"2025-02-19T14:42:24","date_gmt":"2025-02-19T12:42:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rooirose.dvlp.site\/jy-kan-jou-kind-swaarkry-help-verwerk\/"},"modified":"2025-02-19T14:47:41","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T12:47:41","slug":"jy-kan-jou-kind-swaarkry-help-verwerk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/jy-kan-jou-kind-swaarkry-help-verwerk\/","title":{"rendered":"Jy kan jou kind swaarkry help verwerk"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Teleurstelling is van melktandtyd af deel van \u2019n kind se ervaring: Mamma wil nie vir my die lekkertjie koop nie; my maatjie wil nie meer my maatjie wees nie; ek word nie vir die span gekies nie; my meisie maak uit; my selfoon val in die water; my ouers skei &#8230; Maar ongelukkig moet kinders ook maar die ander, moeiliker lewenslesse leer, soos dat die lewe nie regverdig is nie; dat die kaarte nie altyd reg val nie; dat jy soms nie kry wat jy verdien nie (en dikwels is dit \u2019n genade dat jy nie kry wat jy regtig verdien nie).<\/p>\n<p>Dis \u2019n lewenswaarheid dat slegte dinge soos ongelukke, siekte, pyn met almal gebeur. Maar dis hoe jy daarop reageer wat die verskil maak. Die mense wat teleurstellings met optimisme en positiwiteit as uitdagings en ontwikkelingsgeleenthede benader, bewys dikwels dat wanneer jy jou hart op iets sit en hard werk, jy berge kan versit en die ondenkbare bereik. Volwassenes wat hierdie ingesteldheid as kinders reeds geleer het, hanteer die aanslae van die lewe gemakliker en suksesvoller. Kinders moet leer dat jou gedagtes, woorde en dade, veral n\u00e1 teleurstellings, jou toekoms bepaal.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Teleurstellings bied kinders vele leergeleenthede<\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Dat geluk nie mag afhang van dinge buite jou waaroor jy nie beheer het nie.<\/li>\n<li>Om planne te maak en probleme op te los; om op te staan en weer te probeer.<\/li>\n<li>Dat elke teleurstelling \u2019n mens verander, laat groei en die geleentheid bied om te leer.<\/li>\n<li>Dat teleurstellings jou sagter en met meer empatie na ander en hul probleme kan laat kyk.<\/li>\n<li>Dat daar tog nog iets in jou lewe is om te waardeer en dankbaar voor te wees.<\/li>\n<li>Dit laat jou oor jou waardes en prioriteite besin: Wat is regtig belangrik in my lewe?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Wanneer jou kind in trane na jou toe kom en jy sien die hartseer, pyn of teleurstelling, wil \u2019n ouerhart ook maar breek. Dan probeer \u2019n mens instinktief keer dat die lewe die kind verniel, en is die versoeking daar om die teleurstelling te probeer versag, te troos, toe te gee, te gee wat hulle wil h\u00ea in \u2019n poging om met geld wat stom is, reg te maak wat krom is, of namens hulle te onderhandel.<\/p>\n<p>Susan* s\u00ea: \u201c\u2019n Mens moet jou eie teleurstelling van jou kind se teleurstelling probeer skei. Jy verloor ook iets &#8211; iets waarop jy vir jou kind gehoop het. Toe my dogter An\u00e9* se k\u00earel haar in die middel van haar finale eksamen onverwags los, het haar lewe in duie gestort. Sy, en ons, het gedink dis haar trouman. My selfstandige, onafhanklike presteerder was oornag \u2019n baba: Sy wou by my in die bed slaap en nie \u2019n oomblik alleen wees nie. Wanneer ek werk toe gaan, moes haar sussie by haar bly. Sy het nege dae lank byna niks ge\u00ebet nie en gereeld gevra: \u2018Wat moet ek doen? Wat moet ek doen?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Ons raad was: Haal asem. Ervaar die emosie in al die intensiteit daarvan, al voel jy jy gaan dood. As dit jou omrol, rol maar \u2013 ons is hier. \u201cEk dink wat gehelp het, is dat sy heeltyd met ons gepraat het. Ek moet bieg dat dit baie van ons tyd en emosies geverg het, maar stadigaan kon sy haar al meer losmaak. N\u00e1 \u2019n jaar sou ek s\u00ea sy is amper daar. Sy sien nog nie kans vir hartseer of om haar in \u2019n verhouding te begewe nie. Sy vlug nog so \u2019n bietjie. Maar sy begin tog, so half speels en versigtig, om weer die landskap van verhoudings te verken.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Wat om nie te doen nie<\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Oorreageer.<\/li>\n<li>Peper die ontstelde kind met vrae.<\/li>\n<li>Neem iets of iemand anders vir die probleem kwalik.<\/li>\n<li>Rasionaliseer.<\/li>\n<li>Raas met die kind, verkleineer hom, of skel hom uit!<\/li>\n<li>Neem oor en los die probleem vir die kind op.<\/li>\n<li>Ontken haar emosies sodat sy voel sy oorreageer.<\/li>\n<li>Gee lang, morele verduidelikings.<\/li>\n<li>Wees negatief en pessimisties.<\/li>\n<li>Trek die kind se aandag af sodat hy nie die teleurstelling hoef te beleef en te hanteer nie.<\/li>\n<li>Vergelyk hom met ander.<\/li>\n<li>Verwyt die kind.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Wat om nie te s\u00ea nie<\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Wat! Dis verskriklik! Ek sal daai ou vrek maak as ek hom in die hande kry. Jy gaan nooit hieroor kom nie.<\/li>\n<li>Wat het gebeur? Hoekom het jy dit gedoen? Hoekom doen jy nie net \u2019n slag wat ek vir jou s\u00ea nie?<\/li>\n<li>Jy was die beste, die beoordelaars was so onregverdig! Dis nie jou skuld nie, as die ander jou nie uitgelok het nie, het dit nooit gebeur nie. Dis in elk geval nie belangrik nie.<\/li>\n<li>Hoe kon jy dit doen? Was jy nou simpel? Het jy nie verstand nie? Kan jy nie net dink of konsentreer voor jy iets doen nie? Ag nee! Jy stel my teleur! Jou simpel onnosele ding. Jou slet!<\/li>\n<li>Los dit vir my, ek sal met die hoof gaan praat, jy hoef jou nie verder hieroor te bekommer nie.<\/li>\n<li>Dis regtig nie iets om oor te huil nie. Dit gebeur maar met almal en is regtig nie so erg nie. Jy is nou net moeg.<\/li>\n<li>Jy moet besef almal maak foute. Niemand kan altyd alles kry wat hulle wil h\u00ea nie.<\/li>\n<li>Hoe gouer jy besef die lewe is hard en onregverdig, hoe beter.<\/li>\n<li>Kom glimlag \u2019n bietjie, jy lyk so mooi as jy glimlag. Kom ons gaan fliek, dan voel jy sommer beter.<\/li>\n<li>Hoekom kan jy nie net soos jou boetie wees nie? Waarom moet jy van alles \u2019n drama maak?<\/li>\n<li>Sien jy di\u00e9 grys hare? Dis wat jy aan my doen. Jy sal my nog na my graf stuur.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Los die probleem s\u00f3 op<\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Gee jou kind \u2019n drukkie sodat sy weet jy is daar vir haar. Jou stille teenwoordigheid en fisieke kontak is aanvanklik genoeg.<\/li>\n<li>Erken eers haar emosies voor jy haar aanmoedig of planne maak.<\/li>\n<li>Help hulle om te bepaal wat kan verander en wat nie: Gewoonlik kan ek my eie optrede en emosionele reaksies verander, maar nie eksterne gebeure, ander se optrede, keuses en besluite nie.<\/li>\n<li>Help haar om alternatiewe oplossings te bedink of liefs te fokus op dinge wat sy k\u00e1n doen \u2013 as sy haar roete aanpas, kan sy wel sukses behaal.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lees ook:\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/rooirose\/makliker-met-moeilike-tieners\/\">Makliker met moeilike tieners: 20 wenke vir beter verhoudings<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Al wil ons ons kinders so graag teen die teleurstellings van die lewe beskerm, kan en m\u00e1g ons hulle nie die pyn en swaarkry spaar nie. Dis deel van menswees en dis hoe jy dit benader wat die verskil maak. Deur Anys Rossouw. Foto Pixabay<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":150985,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[679,662],"tags":[1521,11213,11214,134,135,241,730,834,1373],"class_list":["post-2788","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ouerskap","category-jou-lewe","tag-hartseer","tag-swaarkry","tag-teleurstelling","tag-ouerskap","tag-verhoudings","tag-depressie","tag-stres","tag-kinders","tag-emosies"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Jy kan jou kind swaarkry help verwerk | rooi rose<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Al wil ons ons kinders so graag teen die teleurstellings van die lewe beskerm, kan en m\u00e1g ons hulle nie die pyn en swaarkry spaar nie.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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