{"id":51606,"date":"2023-09-05T10:28:28","date_gmt":"2023-09-05T08:28:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/noordkaapbulletin\/toxic-family-ties-a-heavy-burden-20230905\/"},"modified":"2025-03-21T15:37:47","modified_gmt":"2025-03-21T13:37:47","slug":"toxic-family-ties-a-heavy-burden-20230905","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/noordkaapbulletin\/toxic-family-ties-a-heavy-burden-20230905\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Toxic family ties\u2019 a heavy burden"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt is to be expected that different personalities, communication styles, and other dynamics between family members can result in conflict at some point,\u201d says Megan Hosking, crisis line and marketing manager at Netcare Akeso. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhile it is perfectly normal to disagree sometimes, ongoing strain in the family can significantly impact this important support structure and the mental health of those involved. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt can also spill over to affect other members of the family. A further concern is that unresolved issues and trauma have the potential to be passed down from one generation to the next.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"\"

<\/p>\n

Conflict can result in fear and anxiety, particularly around family gatherings where interaction with the person or people in question is inevitable. <\/div>\n
<\/span>Photo: Unsplash\/Obie Fernandez<\/span> <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Inescapable conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Family is forever. While this can be a gift, in cases of severe conflict, it may become a heavy burden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cConflict can result in fear and anxiety, particularly around family gatherings where interaction with the person or people in question is inevitable. It is advisable to try to resolve conflict through open communication. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhere it is unavoidable to interact with a family member that you simply cannot get along with, it may be best to politely greet them and engage no more than is necessary while excusing yourself from conversations that you know are inflammatory or triggering,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hosking recommends the following strategy:<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Mentally prepare yourself for the interaction;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. set and maintain boundaries;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3.<\/span> limit your expectations and practice acceptance of the things you cannot change;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4.<\/span> choose what information you share with the family member;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5.<\/span> be intentional in your interactions. For example, speak to someone neutral in the family;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6.<\/span> avoid trying to \u201cfix\u201d things that do not involve you;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7.<\/span> try to have empathy for your family member\u2019s experience whilst remaining self-compassionate; <\/p>\n\n\n\n

8.<\/span> identify and acknowledge your own emotions through self-awareness;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9.<\/span> practise being calm, regulate your emotional reactions and manage your stress levels; and<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10.<\/span> give yourself permission to leave if you need to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toxic family relationships<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA toxic relationship develops over time and consistently leaves you feeling isolated, unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned or attacked \u2013 there is a lack of respect and a violation of boundaries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt can pose a threat to your well-being, be it emotionally, psychologically, physically, or a combination of these. Any relationship in which interactions regularly make you feel worse rather than better can become toxic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere are some situations where ending the relationship and putting distance between yourself and that family member is the best and safest solution, such as with an abusive family member.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Signs of a toxic family relationship:<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You constantly give more than you are getting, leaving you feeling drained and depleted after interactions with that person;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you feel depressed, angry or tired after speaking to them;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you feel consistently disrespected by them;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you are always blamed for any issues or disagreements that arise;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you bring out the worst in each other;<\/p>\n\n\n\n

you find yourself \u201dwalking on eggshells\u201d around them so as not to cause upset; and<\/p>\n\n\n\n

your self-esteem is negatively impacted over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask yourself the following:<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAsk yourself if the relationship makes you feel unsafe or is it simply awkward to manage? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat was the cause of the conflict, and is there a way for it to be resolved? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIs there potential for change in the relationship? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTalking to a mental healthcare professional can help you to understand more about a difficult relationship, and how best to manage the situation for yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRemember that it is not possible to control someone else\u2019s actions, but you can control your own reactions. As such, you need to understand your feelings about that relationship, how it triggers you, and how you interact. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf a relationship needs to end for your own well-being to remain intact, remember that not everything is permanent and there are often opportunities for change or re-connection further down the road,\u201d Hosking concludes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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family ties\u2019 a heavy burden | Noordkaap Bulletin<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/noordkaapbulletin\/toxic-family-ties-a-heavy-burden-20230905\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u2018Toxic family ties\u2019 a heavy burden\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/novanews.co.za\/noordkaapbulletin\/toxic-family-ties-a-heavy-burden-20230905\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Noordkaap Bulletin\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/NoordkaapBulletin\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" 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