This week I want to talk about a light but sensitive topic, which is firstborn sons in our families.
Sometimes I feel pity for them.
Have you guys noticed that the majority of the firstborns behave the same? Most of them don’t listen.
A friend of mine, who is also a firstborn, once told me being a firstborn is a challenge because everyone expects the best from them.He told me most of them carry a huge burden from a young age. He described the firstborns as deputy parents.
It is rare to see a firstborn son living a normal life. Most of them are heavy drinkers and they don’t care.
However, those who don’t drink are so strict. They want everything to go accordingly.
Maybe, we need to change our behaviour towards them as siblings and stop putting pressure on them. Most often we expect them to do good.
As young parents, we must change this perception that portrays the firstborn as a deputy parent.
We need to teach our children to share the responsibilities. We need to change this sentiment and create a new structure where everyone has a role to play.
Many families don’t have structures because the centre does not hold them anymore. Once the firstborn loses it, the entire family becomes a mess and lacks direction.
Everyone in the family tends to do as they please.
I’ve seen instances where a father dies early and the firstborn son has to step up in his father’s shoes. As the community, we then expect them to grow up and behave like an adult. And when they don’t do that, instead of guarding them, we crush them.
As a family, we expect a lot from them forgetting that they are also human beings. That often drives them into the wrong path and substance abuse.
I’m not sure about other races, but to our black community, it is a serious concern. Sometimes, I feel as siblings, we don’t listen to them or give them a space to express themselves. If you really want to see the firstborn sons wait until there is a family gathering or a ceremony where they are expected to lead. They will get drunk before everyone else and start shouting or fighting with people. Our brothers need help. Let’s stop judging or putting pressure on them instead let’s support them.
