As backpacks grow heavier and the new school year hits its stride, parents everywhere are navigating familiar territory with fresh anxiety. Amid academic pressure, extracurricular demands and the ever-mysterious world of teenage emotions, it is tempting to either wrap your child in cotton wool or hide under the covers until December.
But according to Lumka Kraai, an occupational therapist at Netcare Akeso Umhlanga specialising in adolescent mental health and family support, the key to helping your teen thrive is not about hovering or disappearing – it is about finding the middle ground, where consistent, intentional support at home can make a meaningful difference.
“The first thing to understand is that all teens are not the same. What works for someone else’s child w ill not necessarily work for yours,” explains Kraai.
She cautions against copying what worked for a neighbour’s teen or even an older sibling, warning that parents place themselves at a great disadvantage when they try to apply a “one size fits all” approach.
So, what is a parent to do? Kraai’s starting point might surprise you: “Simply ask your teenager what they need from you. It is amazing how often we forget that the person with the most insight into supporting your teen is… your teen.”
Helping your child develop executive skills such as time management, planning, organisation, and emotional regulation can make a real difference in how they share the family calendar. Your child can then see when you are busy too, making planning less about nagging and more about everyone being on the same page.
We all thrive and function better with routine. Include everything from chores to downtime, and yes, that means scheduled time to scroll TikTok guilt-free. Also, institute a weekly session in which the family plans for the week ahead to prevent Monday morning meltdowns.
“Offering academic support to your child throughout the year is important, but that alone is not enough,” continues Kraai, “they need to be supported emotionally as well”.
During this time of their lives, teenagers are juggling everything from identity crises and friendship drama to figuring out who they want to be – all while trying to master algebra and pass chemistry.
To ease pressure, Kraai suggests making time for fun as a family. Not everything needs to be about good grades, preparing for university, and life beyond. Keep communication lines open – but do not interrogate them the moment they walk in the door. Resist the comparison trap.
“Avoid comparing them to others, including their peers and siblings. Your teenager already does enough of that on social media.”
Watch for warning signs. Sudden isolation, mood swings, outbursts of anger, or a loss of interest in activities they used to love could signal something deeper. Build a support network. Regular check-ins with teachers, coaches, and other adults in your adolescent’s life can help you spot issues you might otherwise miss.
Kraai advocates fostering a growth mindset “where effort and progress are valued over perfection.” This helps young people build the resilience they will need long after leaving school.
And if things get tough?
“Seeking additional support from school wellbeing staff or mental health professionals can be a proactive step, not a sign of failure,” she reminds parents.
– netcare.co.za
