The World Health Organization’s (WHO) theme for this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day is “Changing the narrative on suicide”, encouraging all to include destigmatising discussions around mental health in our daily interactions.
Every conversation, no mater how small, contributes to a supportive and understanding society. By initiating such vital conversations we can break barriers, raise awareness, and create better cultures of support.
The importance of this is underscored by the statistics: suicide is the second leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 29 years in South Africa, with 13 774 deaths by suicide reported in 2019. What is jarring is that men account for 79% of these deaths. These statistics bind us to talk to our male youths about mental illness.
In providing psychotherapy to many people from this demographic, my observations are that we tend to speak less to male teenagers and young adults than we do to their female counterparts. We (parents, siblings, friends), tend to assume that these deep-voiced, confident-looking young men are fine; that they will ask if they need help, even though many of my male patients describe feeling incredibly lonely. Longing for their parents and siblings to touch base with them more frequently and to ask how they are doing psychologically.
It is surprising how little other people need from us.
About 90% of the people who come to me for psychotherapy report that they only need a WhatsApp, phone call, or quick check-in from their loved ones a few times a week to improve their sense of belonging and connection.
This is equally valid for female patients, but I discovered that generally (not always), girls and women are socialised to be more open about our emotions and to “tend to befriend” others.
This helps us to establish and maintain psychologically intimate relationships with others, thus providing somewhat of a buffer to mental struggles.
I am well aware that teenage boys are possibly the most difficult group to try to talk to. Any attempt to elicit emotional content is met with rebuffs and one-word responses.
Angry, irritable young men are particularly challenging to connect with and it is often much easier to just leave them be – assuming that they will be okay.
But what we do know about this group is that they are very likely to self-medicate by means of withdrawing instead of reaching out for support and treatment.
Cannabis, alcohol, tobacco and vaping are easily accessible and serve to enhance the cool, party-boy persona that so many depressed young men work very hard to establish.
Many of them acknowledge wanting to die because they feel like a failure or because they are under too much pressure from their families to provide financially or to achieve career goals that seem unattainable.
Behind an angry, aggressive young man lies fear, trauma and depression.
The awkward moments of starting conversations with the young men in our lives pale in comparison to the devastation of losing them to self-death.
Do not underestimate the power of simply asking someone how they are doing and acknowledging your own struggles in these conversations.
Our vulnerability invites others to let down their guard and allows them to ask for help.
- Dr Angie Vorster is a clinical psychologist in the School of Clinical Medicine at the University of the Free State (UFS).
